WHAT IF YOU ACTUALLY BACKED YOURSELF?

The moment I stopped treating my business like a side project and started believing I could build something of my own.

It was 1am and I was sitting at my computer, completely drained, about to finally switch it off.

It had been a long day.

My grandmother had passed away that morning.

I hadn't gone into my corporate job that day because I needed to be with my family. In fact, she was the third of my grandparents to pass away in just three months. It had been a really tough time.

I'd spent the day with my family, helping arrange a funeral and doing all the things you do when someone in your family dies.

But work was still there in the background. I'd received phone calls during the day and, in my mind, there were things that simply couldn't wait.

So as soon as I felt I could leave my family that night, I went into the office.

I sat there for hours, doing everything I could to make sure deadlines were met.

And at 1am, sitting alone at my computer, I remember thinking:

What the hell am I doing?

The thing is, this wasn't the first time I'd put work ahead of everything else.

Not long before that, I'd been at work when I became really unwell after recently having a procedure. I knew something wasn't right. I was in agony. But I also had a magazine that needed to go to print.

So I stayed and pushed through.

I kept working until everything was finished and the magazine had been sent to the printer. I hit send, got up from my desk, walked out of the office and drove myself straight to hospital.

Looking back, I can hardly believe that felt normal to me.

Something changed that night

That night at 1am was a turning point for me.

Until then, my own business had always been something I did on the side. I wanted it to become more, but if I'm really honest, I didn't believe it could.

I told myself there wouldn't be enough work. I wouldn't make enough money. Working for myself full-time wasn't realistic.

But sitting in that office that night, something shifted.

I remember thinking:

If I'm going to work this hard, I want to be building something for myself.

If I was going to put in extra hours, I wanted those hours to build something that could eventually give me more choice, more freedom and a different kind of life.

So I made a decision.

I stopped staying late and at 5pm, I left.

That sounds incredibly simple now, but at the time it felt uncomfortable.

I'd spent years being the person who stayed. The person who got things done. The person who did whatever was needed. Part of me worried about what people would think when they saw me walking out the door on time.

But something had changed.

I'd decided where I wanted my extra energy to go. If I was going to work at night, I was going to work on my own business.

And during the day, I started learning everything I could.

I'd sit at my desk with my headphones in and, while everyone probably assumed I was listening to music, I was listening to podcasts, masterclasses and anything else I could find about building a business. I soaked it all up.

Because for the first time, I wasn't treating my business like the little thing I did on the side.

I was starting to believe that maybe I could actually build something of my own.

I didn't suddenly become fearless

I wish I could tell you there was some magical moment when all the doubt disappeared.

There wasn't. And I didn't leave my job the next day.

I started gradually.

I reduced my hours. I spent more time building my own business. Life happened in between. I had my daughter. And all the while, I kept moving towards the possibility that one day I could work entirely for myself.

Back when I first made that decision, I didn't know for certain that my business would work.

I didn't know exactly how I'd replace my salary or where all the clients would come from. I didn't have everything figured out.

I just started backing myself.

I learned. I experimented. I tried things. I got things wrong. And slowly, the little business I'd always treated as something on the side started becoming something I could genuinely imagine doing full-time.

I think sometimes we wait for confidence before we're willing to really go for something.

We want proof that it's going to work before we give ourselves permission to believe that it could.

But I don't think that's how it happened for me.

The belief grew because I started taking myself and my business seriously.

I used to imagine what freedom would feel like

Back then, I'd squeeze appointments into my lunch break.

I'd rush to the car, race to wherever I needed to go, have the appointment and then spend the drive back watching the clock, eating my lunch in the car and hoping I wouldn't be late and no one would notice.

And I remember sometimes thinking:

Imagine if I didn't have to rush back.

Imagine being able to make an appointment in the middle of the day and just... go.

Imagine not having to eat my lunch while driving back to work.

Imagine having control over my own time.

They probably sound like little things. But to me, they represented freedom. And they gave me something to work towards.

And now I drive past that building

The funny thing is, I still drive past my old workplace almost every day.

Sometimes I look over at that building and remember the version of me who sat inside it wondering whether she could ever really work for herself.

And now, some days, I'm driving past that same building in the middle of the day on my way down to the lake for a walk in nature or to meet a friend for coffee.

I'm not watching the clock. No one is waiting for me to get back from lunch. I don't need anyone's permission.

I'm simply living a version of the life that woman sitting behind that desk used to imagine.

And I don't tell you this because everything since then has been easy.

It hasn't.

I've doubted myself. I've made mistakes. I've tried things that didn't work. I've built things I later realised weren't right for me. I've changed direction more than once.

And I'm still figuring things out.

But I backed myself. And I'm really bloody glad I did.

Maybe you're where I was

Maybe you're reading this while working for someone else and trying to build your own thing in the spaces around it.

Maybe you're doing it at night. On weekends. In lunch breaks. Maybe you have an idea you can't stop thinking about. Maybe part of you knows you're capable of more, but another part keeps telling you to be sensible.

What if there isn't enough work?

What if I can't make enough money?

What if it doesn't work?

I understand that more than you might realise.

I was her too.

And I'm not going to tell you to quit your job tomorrow.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't need to know exactly how you're going to replace your salary or where every client will come from.

But you can start taking your idea seriously.

You can learn. You can experiment. You can start building. You can start putting some of that drive, capability and ambition you've spent years giving to someone else's business into your own.

Not because you need to work yourself into the ground to make it happen. But because your dream deserves some of your belief too.

And maybe the first thing you need isn't a perfect business plan.

Maybe it's simply allowing yourself to ask:

What could happen if I actually backed myself?

Because one day, you might find yourself driving past the place where you used to sit dreaming about a different life...

on your way to live it.